i’m with stupid: housepests

It's easy to piss me off. The most trivial things , whether it be animate or inanimate, irritate me. That's why if you're stupid, I hate you for simply who you are.
It crossed my mind to create a separate blog for my encounters with the stoopeed kind, but the effort exerted just thinking about it already got me poofed. So I'm just adding it as a category here. That means, this blog will never run out of material cos the stupid people refuse to die just because.

For our opening salvo, I present to you the stupid housepests that infiltrate our humble abode from time to time.

Since my Mom and Dad are feymoos, leeches are a usual sight at our house. Normally, I'd be on PR-mode and be Miss Congeniality to the people who know my parents. It's all about the rep and image. It gets pretty tiring at times but you won't see it on my face cos I've gotten better at being the mistress of plastikada.

HousePest #1 - Homeless chica that Mom adopted for a night

It was 2.30am, I was hungry and thirsty. So I went down the kitchen to raid the fridge. On my way there, I saw homeless chica coming out of the bathroom. We said our good evenings then she followed me to the kitchen. This is something I will never understand, people who usually visit the house are cat serial killers cos of their curiosity. They would assume it's okay to enter my room and ask if I sleep on the only bed in sight. Duh?! Their kids would strain their necks to see every room in the house even with the doors closed. Some would even ask endless personal questions, which would neither improve nor worsen their lives. I mean, you won't get to heaven if I answered what color was my highschool uniform right? Or whether I have Japanese friends at work. This is the first and last time we'll see each other and I doubt that knowledge of my monthly income will change your destiny, or mine for that matter.

Going back to homeless chica, she made small talk while I made a sandwich. I don't think she ever caught on that I wasn't the least bit interested to all her bumblings. We were on our way back. I was nearing the flight of stairs to go back to my room, Mom let her sleep in the first floor guest room, when she asked me, "Dito ka rin nakatira?"

For the love of kuapao! No. I'm just hanging out. I usually break into other people's houses in my pyjamas nonetheless when  sleep fails me during the ungodly hours of night. I also have a knack for putting up framed pictures of me with the owners of the house, all around the house. If you're lucky, you may even see a picture of me in my birthday suit, when I couldn't even walk yet, by the fireplace. I'm just eccentric like that. Won't you tell me where you live?

HousePest #2 - Freeloader Extraordinaire by day, Pretentious Witch Mama by night

This one here, is a perfect example why Pinays are stereotyped as gold diggers by some people. She's always 'visiting' my Mom so they could watch those horrible soaps together. Oh btw… Mr. Yamashita, our next-door neighbor, is one of her sugar daddies. Once I overheard her talking with her co-worker, she was boasting that the old man was just crazy about her. Even though nothing happened between them yet, she tells her gullible listener, the man spends thousands on her whim. I wanted to join the conversation, "Really Tita? Didn't you tell me that you went back to the Philippines last year to have an abortion? If I remember correctly, you said you didn't want the old man to find out. Hmm… you also said that this was a perennial predicament since, and I quote, you're easy to impregnate. My memory seems to be foggy."

Okay. I better stop before I turn you off my dear reader.

I got off from work early and went home to eat lunch. She was already seated on the dining table when I arrived. I don't normally eat with housepests who treat our house as shelter and soup kitchen so I decided to get food to eat in my room.

HP#2: Konnichiwa beh. Pumasok ka today?

Hindi Tita. I just thought that I looked kinda funky in this uniform so I wanted to wear it to go shopping later. Who knows, I might even start a fad.

HousePest #3 - Lost her common sense, Found the eject button

Summer time here is so hot that you'd be sweating like a pig even if you don't move an inch. To beat the heat, ice cold drinks are free for all.

Me: Tita what would you like to drink?
HP#3: Fruit juice na lang iha.

*I pour a glass of mango juice for her.*

HP#3: Naku iha, I'm allergic to oranges. Kahit water na lang.
Me: Don't worry Tita. Mango lang naman yan.

She apparently saw the box and thought that the drink also contained oranges. I guess the huge MANGO label wasn't enough information. But if she was concerned about the orange, why didn't she care about the little umbrella, cherry and shards of glass?

I'm beginning to not make sense. Sleepy. Zzzzz…. ZzZzzzZZz…