maligayang kaarawan kaibigan

Recollection is the only paradise from which we cannot be turned out.

- Jean Paul Richter

Today was supposed to have been her 25th birthday. She could've been a doctor. A social worker perhaps. Possibly even a lawyer. Most definitely a wife. Or maybe we'll never truly know. All we're certain is what we remember of her. She was always ready to lend a helping hand. She would never think twice of giving to those who were in need. What I know about generosity, I learned from her. What I know about compassion, she instilled in me.

She was so young. What a waste. Such a loss. She was weak. She was a quitter. She needed help. What a tragic thing to happen.

Of all the things said, the one I couldn't accept was when they called her weak. They don't know. They would never understand. She was stronger than me. Others may think of me twisted, but she did what she wanted and I will always respect her for that.
 

D,

Happy Birthday. I miss you. 

xE

shotgun wedding

Today shall be remembered for all time
The day when two will be as one

all men cheat

It's a universal truth. So now that we have that settled… here's a shirt for all you guys:

Unfortunately, this is the only available color. Hurry, while supplies last!

stay away! i bite!

I'd stay away from me, especially if you're planning to cheer me up. Your words of encouragement are falling on deaf ears for the moment. I would bite anyone's head in a heartbeat.

"You're prettier than her naman."

This is probably the one I keep hearing regularly. Listen up people! It.doesn't.work. Think about it for a second. Where did my 'prettiness' get me? I'm not the one walking down the aisle tomorrow am I? So just shut it.

"It's his loss Lou. He doesn't deserve you."

You're thoughtful Hun. But why do I feel like the loser here for some reason?

"Hija, know that we wanted you to be our daughter-in-law. I've always treated you as my own and that will never change. We're really sorry it had to be this way. Blah~ blah~ blah~"

J's parents dropped by earlier. I wasn't in the mood to play nice so Tita came in my room to check up on me and say goodnight. Mom was just standing by the door. I nearly gave in when she hugged me and started crying. I hate that it has come to this. But I'm just feeling too damn selfish to pretend to care anymore.

crash and burn

 

In my distorted reality, you will always be

The pain won't end cause the tears don't fall

Broken dreams and inevitable insanity

You were never mine after all

cgi at its finest

Seeming as how these three entries are what attracts most readers to my blog (how surprising really) I've decided to put them in their own category. Just click the sexy tag and you'll be transported to all related posts. Although, I cannot promise to make them regulars cos I'm far too self-centered. I like talking about me more than writing about those things. Besides, I don't spend hours and hours  surfing the web for worldly topics. They just happen to stumble on my browsing paths, then distract me for an hour or so. >_<

Also, if you're easily offended and/or are below 18… I won't be held responsible for corrupting your purely innocent minds. I just have a really high abasement and don't want to be bothered with you, so please go away.

Now that we're over and done with all my brouhaha, I present to you cgi at its finest…

(more…)

dreaming of pata tim

So I've cut back on my stalking sprees because it's not healthy at all. I was beginning to creep myself out, and it takes a whole lot for me to be creeped out I tell you. Being in front of the computer was torturous for the most part because I had to stop myself from browsing around the pages he frequents. Gawd. I sound so pathetic. Somebody kill me [with a true koto] now.

Here's a dream off my first decent sleep after weeks of staring all night long at the dark ceiling thinking unhappy thoughts and blaming myself for stupid things that stupid people do:

The setting was at Jack's Loft, Eastwood. I was out with my HS friends and the place was packed save for this table for four. We take our seats and I had to grab a chair from the next table, which *surprise*surprise* was shared by pata tim and a guy friend. You know how weird dreams go right? I ended up sitting beside pata tim's friend, with him facing us. But technically I was still hanging out with my friends. So I continued to chatter with them while the two guys minded their own beeswax. Only problem was, pata tim was blocking my view of Dimpol. So every time I was talking to her, I was face to face with him and I could just barely hear her voice from behind his humongous head. I go, "So Dim, how's blah blah blah…" then he looks at me perplexed, uncomprehending every single word I said. All through out the dream it was like that. Me talking to Dim while gazing at pata tim's face. And him talking to his friend while looking at me. I couldn't quite figure out what his eyes were 'saying'. I was actually enjoying our little predicament when it was already time for us to leave. I just smiled at his friend, then another smile to him with a nod. As I was nearing the door, pata tim grabbed my elbow and asked if I go there all the time. Paragraph-long answers were suddenly flying off my brain. Should I explain that I'm only visiting? That I'm not based in Manila? But then I would seem over-eager. I have to play it cool. So I simply answered, "Um… Not really." ["Oh?"] He was clearly disappointed with his head hung low and before I could bite my tongue, I blurted out, "But I can come here often if you want me to." Then he flashes me a smile, "Good. Okay. Bye." He kisses me on the cheek before exiting through the door. I was left dumbfounded. What? What just happened? Did I miss anything? Wasn't I the one supposed to be leaving?

When I awoke a single thought was nagging on my head, Jack's Loft is where I hangout with my college friends not my HS friends. Weird. I wouldn't try interpreting this dream cos I'm pretty sure I'll only end up overanalyzing things. Psychology is a witch I tell ya. In conclusion, it's probably just my stalker-self trying to cry out for her daily pata tim fix. Bad girl! No more candies for you.

i’m a big fan!

Didn't know that Billy was back in the Philippines. He's doing a show over at GMA-7. Parang contest ata to find dancers for his major concert dito din. I caught a little of it kanina. Damn. He's hot.

I just found out that he also guested on DJ Mo's much-talked about radio show, 40 Forbidden Questions.

Question #5: Have you slept with a fan?

Billy: Yeah…  Actually… 

 I'M A BIG FAN BILLY! [Followed by an ear-piercing *fangirl scream* here.]

For the complete transcript of the episode: Get It From Boy! 

quickie update

I am alive. It is most unfortunate that no plane crash occurred on my way home. Normalcy was trying to tie me down but fate had other plans. I have a few more yet-to-be-posted entries. Blah… I'm just so tired. I.need.sleep. At least blog hopping lessens the stress. And writing about my messed-up life makes it less of a reality… almost bearable to some extent.

xE 

PS. Btw, I may have to change the blog's template to accomodate xlinking. Stay tuned for a meaner and juicier spinster.i.ph (~_^)

prambling

Prambling stands for puyat rambling. I'm still enjoying sleepless nights. I have a 9 o'clock flight later. It's only 5:30am. Hopefully I get to sleep for the entire flight. I hate flying, not because I'm scared to death of plane crashes. I just don't like the ear pops, (is that what you call them?) most especially during landings.

I was caught up with work so the folks and sis went ahead of me. I'm leaving Fox to Haruka for two weeks. I wish they can survive that long with each other. Don't worry Haruchang, I won't forget your omiyage. Promise.

I'm still undecided whether to change my template. Although I think I really need two side bars. But I probably won't cos if I change it, it won't feel like 'Disillusioned' anymore. Also, I think this color-theme is appropriate for my 'spinster motif'. Still not sure. Comments are welcome. 

I was just getting my daily fix of tameshigiri from youtube. Damn. It's the shiznit ya'll! XD I was supposed to learn kendo when I was younger but it never pushed through. The katana is always a part of my wishlist. Somebody please buy me one!

I'm excited to see my dreamboys!! Happy happy joy joy! I have no definite plans yet. I'll probably check out SM Mall of Asia. Eat around. Visit friends. I may even watch one of pata tim's gigs. Rockstars have it all made. His drooling fangirls better make room for me.

My thoughts are just everywhere. I cannot concentrate. Angel Roel, I'll be home soon.